Bus Station and Resistencia
16 years ago
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More and More
Well six weeks has all but come and gone. Tomorrow morning we head to the airport to start our treck back to the USA. I dont know whether its because I am getting older or if the earth has picked up speed and time is literatly going by faster, but this summer flew by. During orientation when we were learning fun facts and some history about Estonia it just seemed all surreal. I was going to another country with seven other people and we are gonna tell some people about God. Noone had a face or a name, the country was just a name. I wanted so badly to be used by God but I had no idea what that meant at the time. As excited as I was I think more than anything I was in shock. Not knowing what to expect or what would be expected of me. Now after what seems like a blink of an eye, I feel privledged and honored to have been able to come to Estonia. Names like Evelin, Anneli, Kirill, Eero, Vesse, Micheal, Kristi, Keit, Erika, Priit, Natasha, Sonya, Chris, Kristel and so, so many more are etched on my heart forever. Places like Narva, Tartu, Voru, Tallinn, Rakvere, Loksa are in my memory for a lifetime. Yesterday we watched The Singing Revolution which is all about the history of Estonia and how music is such a big part of their culture and their freedom from the Soviet. So today we went to the concert type grounds where they have this song festival every 5 years I think. I may be wrong about that fact and for some reason I cant think of what the name of the place is called! Anyways, as I stood there looking at this place that means so much to so many of the people in this country, all I could think of was, More and More. The More I see of this country the More I fall in love with it. The More people I meet in this country the More difficult it gets to leave it. And most importantly, I want More and More for this country. More Jesus, More peace, More love and acceptance. Just More and More. When you are following Gods will for your life and doing what He tells you to do, you dont always understand it. You cant see the end or the result of the work you have done. So I may not be able to tell you how many peoples lives I have touched or what the result of my teams work is. But I do know that God who has started a good work in me is not finished yet! He will continue to grow me and teach me, to put people in my life that will lift me up and others that will test my faith in Him. However, if I have learned anything in Estonia its this...Trust in God because with Him all things are possible!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Sometime I can´t sleep
That was last night, I did write a blog in my non-sleeping state last night in my head. LOL so I guess I should make a debut on this blog!
You all have a pretty accurate update on this week. so not a ton to say persay. So i will try not to ramble too much! Today was another cleaning day/prep day.
I was in between projects, though I decided I don´t mind cleaning for others, especially bathrooms, becuase then you get to see it finished, and smelling like fiesta floral! If the floors don't look brand new, at least you smell the party scent of the cleaning solution! while i was cleaning i was thinking all deeply and such, but i forget now, but i remeber resolving, i would rather clean for others then myself! (i say not for myself, becuase its not what i dream about when i go to sleep!)
Everyone i would like to let you know that the weather is pretty bipolar! like it poured and stoped and got sunny so many times today! Now that it is 9 pm it is sunny and blue skied as if it had never rained. The people seem to blame us for the not so great summer weather! other people might blame global warming, but how can I attribute the reasoning for weird summer weather in estonia when the weather is fine in Maine apparently! craziness i tell you it all is crazy!
So i must say God is good, like seriously ALL THE TIME!! He really has spoken a lot to me this summer, and in ways I am not aware of yet. HE has used my ability to make people chuckle to minister to people and show them love.
But you guys my best number is my penguin walk/dance/waddle! i can do normal penguin and sassy penguin! It is a lot of fun to teach lil kids to be penguins, I have had a bunch of opportunities to play with kids here. They teach me cool russian or estonian words!
MY sleep blog was all about joy, so I guess before I went to sleep I wanted to let you all know about how God gives me joy while i have been in Estonia. He has been useing this joy to overflow to my teammates and all the estonian peeps here. Its so great that it comes form God because he does it all through me.
this is a good time to be in, we all know our translators well, and they are comfortable with us and we are with them. I know i will be sad to say by to them, but they will remember how to walk like a penguin!!! haha!
oh yes and heres some blatent random things but very important to the world of alberta! my fav estonian food is šašolöök! is marinated kaboob meat on a grill! sooo good! my non-fav is dill! its there fav condiment!! lol The baltic sea is colder then the atlantic ocean! mmm thats all for now!
so i love you all, and thanks for praying and being interested in our life here! keep praying for our last little bit!
:-)
~the rockstar~
You all have a pretty accurate update on this week. so not a ton to say persay. So i will try not to ramble too much! Today was another cleaning day/prep day.
I was in between projects, though I decided I don´t mind cleaning for others, especially bathrooms, becuase then you get to see it finished, and smelling like fiesta floral! If the floors don't look brand new, at least you smell the party scent of the cleaning solution! while i was cleaning i was thinking all deeply and such, but i forget now, but i remeber resolving, i would rather clean for others then myself! (i say not for myself, becuase its not what i dream about when i go to sleep!)
Everyone i would like to let you know that the weather is pretty bipolar! like it poured and stoped and got sunny so many times today! Now that it is 9 pm it is sunny and blue skied as if it had never rained. The people seem to blame us for the not so great summer weather! other people might blame global warming, but how can I attribute the reasoning for weird summer weather in estonia when the weather is fine in Maine apparently! craziness i tell you it all is crazy!
So i must say God is good, like seriously ALL THE TIME!! He really has spoken a lot to me this summer, and in ways I am not aware of yet. HE has used my ability to make people chuckle to minister to people and show them love.
But you guys my best number is my penguin walk/dance/waddle! i can do normal penguin and sassy penguin! It is a lot of fun to teach lil kids to be penguins, I have had a bunch of opportunities to play with kids here. They teach me cool russian or estonian words!
MY sleep blog was all about joy, so I guess before I went to sleep I wanted to let you all know about how God gives me joy while i have been in Estonia. He has been useing this joy to overflow to my teammates and all the estonian peeps here. Its so great that it comes form God because he does it all through me.
this is a good time to be in, we all know our translators well, and they are comfortable with us and we are with them. I know i will be sad to say by to them, but they will remember how to walk like a penguin!!! haha!
oh yes and heres some blatent random things but very important to the world of alberta! my fav estonian food is šašolöök! is marinated kaboob meat on a grill! sooo good! my non-fav is dill! its there fav condiment!! lol The baltic sea is colder then the atlantic ocean! mmm thats all for now!
so i love you all, and thanks for praying and being interested in our life here! keep praying for our last little bit!
:-)
~the rockstar~
having a purpose!
As I sit here at the train station working on my sermon that I will preach this Sunday my mind got a bit side tracked and I took a second to read the blog. Of course then I HAD to write something! I want to share with you all what I have come to realize....what GOD has come to show me. It is okay to be me. Simple I know but powerful nonetheless. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me or has ever met me for that matter knows that I am talkative. Actually I kinda think that is an understatement..I LOVE to talk. Somewhere along the way here I started to hate that about me. I felt like my constant chatter was doing no good for the Kingdom of God and certainly no good for the people of Estonia. I couldnt understand why God had made me this way...why I really COULDNT be a quiet person. Then something great happened...God showed me why He made me that way. Yes guys...showed me...just like that. I prayed...He answered! I know you want me to tell you how....okay I will...haha. He put people in my path that I have been able to not only talk to them about God but really get to know...really invest in and build a relationship with. He has allowed me to teach about His love and His greatness. All the while teaching me as well. So now I know why I am talkative...now I know why God made me this way...now I KNOW that it is for a purpose. Can I just take a moment and say..I love God. So that is where Im at guys. In less than 2 weeks we leave Estonia and I can already tell you that not only am I gonna cry...yes I am a crier...but this place, these people, this country will forever be a part of me. Hope that all is great back home and that you are recieveing the blessings that God has for you.
Let me catch you all up!
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.”- Romans 1:16
Today we have 12 more days until we board our plane for Portland; how quickly time flies. I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone, I feel like I just said goodbye to Becki and Major at Newark Airport.
Last week we had Tallinn Kopli Corps Camp at Loksa. Once again, our precious cooks, Olga, Kersti, Tiiu and Sirie took very good care of us. Please never underestimate the power of a smile or willing hands, I believe that is how we have built our relationship with these women, as none of them speak English. The food they make is different to what our american palates are used to, but it is very delicious. Whoever would have known that rice for breakfast was appertising?
Saturday we had off, and so went took a walk into the beautiful city of Tallinn where there was a Medievil Market, very fun, some of our loved ones may even receive sovenirs from this market.
Sunday we had church at the Corps where the Word was brought to us by Jenn; my girls amaze me, they are beautiful, even more so when they share their heart for Jesus.
Monday we had some of our first sicknesses, to date we had only had minor illnesses, but Monday we had some of the girls need to take a moment to themselves. We praise God that they are all better, Hallelujah!
While some of the girls stayed home to recuperrate, the rest of us headed to Mother Theresa's house, a house belonging to the Sisters of Charity. They focus their work on homeless men, most of them homeless as a result from addictions. Four wee women run the work there, but you would struggle to find stronger women. Small in stature, but mighty in spirit!
In the afternoon we attended to some projects in the Kopli Corp; uniform sorting, donation sorting, cleaning, etc. You should have seen the girls as they tried on uniforms from days of old or the surprise on their faces as they found unusual items that had been donated.
Tuesday was a repeat of Monday minus the illnesses, YIPPEE! Wednesday took us to Loksa once more; I tell you, I think I could drive to Loksa with my eyes closed! LOL. This week is Junior Soldiers camp and so the girls and I spent the day with 11 young people who have either become or are on the way to becoming Junior Soldiers; whether playing games or lounging on the beach at Loksa, the day was a joy.
Keep the words coming, we enjoy them; we are also looking forward to seeing you all again, in 12 days time.
Today we have 12 more days until we board our plane for Portland; how quickly time flies. I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone, I feel like I just said goodbye to Becki and Major at Newark Airport.
Last week we had Tallinn Kopli Corps Camp at Loksa. Once again, our precious cooks, Olga, Kersti, Tiiu and Sirie took very good care of us. Please never underestimate the power of a smile or willing hands, I believe that is how we have built our relationship with these women, as none of them speak English. The food they make is different to what our american palates are used to, but it is very delicious. Whoever would have known that rice for breakfast was appertising?
Saturday we had off, and so went took a walk into the beautiful city of Tallinn where there was a Medievil Market, very fun, some of our loved ones may even receive sovenirs from this market.
Sunday we had church at the Corps where the Word was brought to us by Jenn; my girls amaze me, they are beautiful, even more so when they share their heart for Jesus.
Monday we had some of our first sicknesses, to date we had only had minor illnesses, but Monday we had some of the girls need to take a moment to themselves. We praise God that they are all better, Hallelujah!
While some of the girls stayed home to recuperrate, the rest of us headed to Mother Theresa's house, a house belonging to the Sisters of Charity. They focus their work on homeless men, most of them homeless as a result from addictions. Four wee women run the work there, but you would struggle to find stronger women. Small in stature, but mighty in spirit!
In the afternoon we attended to some projects in the Kopli Corp; uniform sorting, donation sorting, cleaning, etc. You should have seen the girls as they tried on uniforms from days of old or the surprise on their faces as they found unusual items that had been donated.
Tuesday was a repeat of Monday minus the illnesses, YIPPEE! Wednesday took us to Loksa once more; I tell you, I think I could drive to Loksa with my eyes closed! LOL. This week is Junior Soldiers camp and so the girls and I spent the day with 11 young people who have either become or are on the way to becoming Junior Soldiers; whether playing games or lounging on the beach at Loksa, the day was a joy.
Keep the words coming, we enjoy them; we are also looking forward to seeing you all again, in 12 days time.
Monday, July 14, 2008
tartu
caravaning in estonia is not altogether that difficult. most places we've visitied are about 3 hours max driving distance. but somehow the ohio like terrain is relazing to us all. there's something about the flatness, the nearly naked pines and subtle two lane road we call a highway. it just casts quietness over the vans and soon we find ourselves drooling with mouths agape. i've mastered the art of dozing thru bumps, foreign radio shows and the shifting of gears... among other things.
needless to say, we arrrived in tartu bright and chipper, tho a bit stiff.
after settling in at the dorms, we were off to the corps. the 14 or us in addition to the corps people, filled the room. major was glowing about each filled seat. it was an odd sight and sound as major pirijo spoke in finnish to virginia, who spoke to evelin in estonian who spoke to us in english. confused yet? you should have seen our head bob in unison as we listened and watched each language spoken from different corners of the small room.
at the end of our welcoming, we were to mingle and fellowship. i've been practicing my estonian, well phrases that is, and i've found the people to be so sweet and willing to allow me to practice. so i had a bit of holy boldness or maybe pride *tinge of guilt* as i approached two elderly women at the back.
i'd noticed they sat separate so i took some initiative and started the chit chat. evidently i did somewhat well enough because one of them begain rattling off to me. i grabbed my cheat sheet to read how to say 'i don't understand' or 'i only speak a little,' which didnt work. so i opted for a translator.
i sat and talked with her all evening. even tho we rotated thru 3 different translators. she revealed to me a bit of her heart, in relation to her family and to the soviet oppression. all the while i praed for understanding. for the holy spirit to mediate the conversation. at some points i knew what she was saying before her words were translated. i loved her honesty, her sincere interest, and her heart.
when it was time to leave, she held my hand saying in english 'see you saturday, god bless.' so sometime when i was out of the room, she'd gottn it translated so she could say it to me herself.
after a few drives, visits and open airs, it was saturday night. i was greeted with a warm hello as i entered. gave my testimony that night (a preamble to my sermon which you will see soon), short and sweet. about the importance of using names. how difficult some are and yet how simple and altogether beautiful...
her name is silvi, pronounced like sil vee.
after the service on sunday, she came to me saying 'small gift, god bless.' as she placed a bar of chocolate, map of tartu, and self addressed post card in my hands. i was so surprised. i hugged her and said thank you (äitah) and god bless (jumal onistagu teid) back.
i didnt expect anything more than a kind word. actually im a bit of pessimist slash realist and wasnt even expecting that. the card reads in estonian, 'be happy my very good friend.' awwww...
its so odd to me how the littlest things can make an impact. i didnt realize that by my lending and ear and maybe goofing off a bit, that i would make a friend. and now i can continue to speak the love of christ into her life for an even longer period of time. i didnt expect that at all!
tartu was sweet in so many ways! both figuratively and literally!
*please pray for silvi and her family*
blessings!
~jenn
needless to say, we arrrived in tartu bright and chipper, tho a bit stiff.
after settling in at the dorms, we were off to the corps. the 14 or us in addition to the corps people, filled the room. major was glowing about each filled seat. it was an odd sight and sound as major pirijo spoke in finnish to virginia, who spoke to evelin in estonian who spoke to us in english. confused yet? you should have seen our head bob in unison as we listened and watched each language spoken from different corners of the small room.
at the end of our welcoming, we were to mingle and fellowship. i've been practicing my estonian, well phrases that is, and i've found the people to be so sweet and willing to allow me to practice. so i had a bit of holy boldness or maybe pride *tinge of guilt* as i approached two elderly women at the back.
i'd noticed they sat separate so i took some initiative and started the chit chat. evidently i did somewhat well enough because one of them begain rattling off to me. i grabbed my cheat sheet to read how to say 'i don't understand' or 'i only speak a little,' which didnt work. so i opted for a translator.
i sat and talked with her all evening. even tho we rotated thru 3 different translators. she revealed to me a bit of her heart, in relation to her family and to the soviet oppression. all the while i praed for understanding. for the holy spirit to mediate the conversation. at some points i knew what she was saying before her words were translated. i loved her honesty, her sincere interest, and her heart.
when it was time to leave, she held my hand saying in english 'see you saturday, god bless.' so sometime when i was out of the room, she'd gottn it translated so she could say it to me herself.
after a few drives, visits and open airs, it was saturday night. i was greeted with a warm hello as i entered. gave my testimony that night (a preamble to my sermon which you will see soon), short and sweet. about the importance of using names. how difficult some are and yet how simple and altogether beautiful...
her name is silvi, pronounced like sil vee.
after the service on sunday, she came to me saying 'small gift, god bless.' as she placed a bar of chocolate, map of tartu, and self addressed post card in my hands. i was so surprised. i hugged her and said thank you (äitah) and god bless (jumal onistagu teid) back.
i didnt expect anything more than a kind word. actually im a bit of pessimist slash realist and wasnt even expecting that. the card reads in estonian, 'be happy my very good friend.' awwww...
its so odd to me how the littlest things can make an impact. i didnt realize that by my lending and ear and maybe goofing off a bit, that i would make a friend. and now i can continue to speak the love of christ into her life for an even longer period of time. i didnt expect that at all!
tartu was sweet in so many ways! both figuratively and literally!
*please pray for silvi and her family*
blessings!
~jenn
i am val and this is my heart
I just want to share some personal thoughts on what God has shown me while in this country. Looking back on our arrival in Tallinn the 17th of June, I remember the deep sadness and lack of purpose I felt. My journal entry that day reads ``Why the heck am I here? I hope to read this entry later on in the summer with a completely opposite, positive attitude. God, I just want to be your heart and your love to the people here in Estonia...I don´t know whatś wrong with me, Lord. I am so sad and feeling dark but I still want so badly to do all of this for you.´´
There is a spiritof heaviness on Estonia, and now I know that that heaviness was a big part of my sadness and despair back in June. Estoniaś history of being invaded and oppressed has taken a toll on the people here; they carry their history like weights on their backs. The people of Estonia need to be taken by the heels, turned upside down, and shaken free of all the baggage they still hold onto. Only the Lord can bring this freedom. And the more I write home about my insights (if you can call them that) the more I am encouraged to realize this: it is not that in all the world, Estonia desperately needs Jesus- it is that Estonia needs Jesus, just like the rest of the world.
It has been very difficult for me to admit and come to peace with what I am about to say, but it is the unfathomable peace of our Lord that causes me to be able to do so. I am a fixer by personality. When something is wrong, I want to know how to make it right. I want to know the solution, the answer, the remedy, and I want to make it all better. But life doesn´t work that way; our world doesn´t work that way. No amount of money, power, intelligence, or fame could ever enable me to ``fix´´´all the injustices and problems that we see in our world. I will never be good enough to go out on my own into all the world and fix the broken. But the truth is, I don´t have to be rich enough or smart enough or pwerful enough to do so. My God is greater than all of these; surely He is more than great enough to go out into all the world and fix, mend, reconcile, recreate. My calling instead is to be less of myself so that His greatness can work through me. I, me, valerie hartshorn, will never be great enough, but a great ``me´´ is not what this world needs. What it needs is our great God.
What was once, in my mind, Mission: Save Estonia has become Mission: Seek God´s Heart. I am no help to anyone if I am not seeking the source of Life, yearning after the heart of the only One who understands the pain and suffering of this world. I have seen Godś hand of artistic design, His perfect timing, His faithfulness while in this place. And that confirms the greatness of our Lord. But I have also seen poverty, abuse, drunkenness, addiction, and that reveals to me the holiness and majesty of our Lord. He is not a good God who is okay with good things happening in our world. He is beyond indescribable because although the bad things happen that nobody wants to admit exist or acknowledge or confirm, He is still God. He is still just and righteous. I am in awe in this place. I am in a state of fear and yearning after the heart of this God whom I thought I knew as good, but am realizing is so much more.
There is a spiritof heaviness on Estonia, and now I know that that heaviness was a big part of my sadness and despair back in June. Estoniaś history of being invaded and oppressed has taken a toll on the people here; they carry their history like weights on their backs. The people of Estonia need to be taken by the heels, turned upside down, and shaken free of all the baggage they still hold onto. Only the Lord can bring this freedom. And the more I write home about my insights (if you can call them that) the more I am encouraged to realize this: it is not that in all the world, Estonia desperately needs Jesus- it is that Estonia needs Jesus, just like the rest of the world.
It has been very difficult for me to admit and come to peace with what I am about to say, but it is the unfathomable peace of our Lord that causes me to be able to do so. I am a fixer by personality. When something is wrong, I want to know how to make it right. I want to know the solution, the answer, the remedy, and I want to make it all better. But life doesn´t work that way; our world doesn´t work that way. No amount of money, power, intelligence, or fame could ever enable me to ``fix´´´all the injustices and problems that we see in our world. I will never be good enough to go out on my own into all the world and fix the broken. But the truth is, I don´t have to be rich enough or smart enough or pwerful enough to do so. My God is greater than all of these; surely He is more than great enough to go out into all the world and fix, mend, reconcile, recreate. My calling instead is to be less of myself so that His greatness can work through me. I, me, valerie hartshorn, will never be great enough, but a great ``me´´ is not what this world needs. What it needs is our great God.
What was once, in my mind, Mission: Save Estonia has become Mission: Seek God´s Heart. I am no help to anyone if I am not seeking the source of Life, yearning after the heart of the only One who understands the pain and suffering of this world. I have seen Godś hand of artistic design, His perfect timing, His faithfulness while in this place. And that confirms the greatness of our Lord. But I have also seen poverty, abuse, drunkenness, addiction, and that reveals to me the holiness and majesty of our Lord. He is not a good God who is okay with good things happening in our world. He is beyond indescribable because although the bad things happen that nobody wants to admit exist or acknowledge or confirm, He is still God. He is still just and righteous. I am in awe in this place. I am in a state of fear and yearning after the heart of this God whom I thought I knew as good, but am realizing is so much more.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Apologies
Friends:
I must ask your forgiveness for not blogging more regularly, we are often not near a computer and so the blogs are few and far between.
Last week we spent the week in Tallinn, Major Bill Groff was here making sure we were all well and everything was running smoothly. :) Have you ever felt well taken care of? As team leader, I must tell you that I do. I am very well protected by my bosses and measures have been taken to make sure that I can do my job, empowerment, PRAISE GOD!
Saturday and Sunday was spent in the town of Voru in southern Estonia where the only Estonian officer serves. Needless to say, she is very proud of that fact. Leading open airs and childrens club have become our gift to the corps we visit. Small numbers are often what we deal with, however we are not discouraged, we just get to love on those kids all the more.
Sunday afernoon at 3 pm we had our church service, a nice change from my usual 9.30 Montclair service. Again the girls put their best foot forward, and this time it was Alberta`s turn to preach. It is wonderful the opportunities that the girls have been presented with being here in Estonia.
I must go, Internet time is limited, as is my patience with an Estonian/Russian keyboard! :)
Keep your personal words of encouragement coming to the girls, you have no idea how it delights them. It is not a good day for any of them when they return from checking their e-mail having heard from no one.
Much love
Mhairi
I must ask your forgiveness for not blogging more regularly, we are often not near a computer and so the blogs are few and far between.
Last week we spent the week in Tallinn, Major Bill Groff was here making sure we were all well and everything was running smoothly. :) Have you ever felt well taken care of? As team leader, I must tell you that I do. I am very well protected by my bosses and measures have been taken to make sure that I can do my job, empowerment, PRAISE GOD!
Saturday and Sunday was spent in the town of Voru in southern Estonia where the only Estonian officer serves. Needless to say, she is very proud of that fact. Leading open airs and childrens club have become our gift to the corps we visit. Small numbers are often what we deal with, however we are not discouraged, we just get to love on those kids all the more.
Sunday afernoon at 3 pm we had our church service, a nice change from my usual 9.30 Montclair service. Again the girls put their best foot forward, and this time it was Alberta`s turn to preach. It is wonderful the opportunities that the girls have been presented with being here in Estonia.
I must go, Internet time is limited, as is my patience with an Estonian/Russian keyboard! :)
Keep your personal words of encouragement coming to the girls, you have no idea how it delights them. It is not a good day for any of them when they return from checking their e-mail having heard from no one.
Much love
Mhairi
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
narva corps
yeah, i know it is a bit late... but here goes....
our boxy red ero van pulled into narva late evening. the clouds were un yeilding and over cast threatening to unleash a any moment. the eight of us along with capts henderson bustled into a typical russian restaurnt for food and fellowship. (which i must say, was quite good) i, at once, noticed what i perceived as a quiet spirit from the both of them. and slowly i saw their love, both for each other and others in general. we only spent a short time in narva itself, but even in such a blink of an eye, god spoke and worked.
we went on a prayer walk one night along the city streets. divided down into groups we each took candles and set out. americans in narva are one thing, but when they all match and are all holding candles, well thats a whole other scenario.quite interesting. the city itself is much different than any i've ever been to. it was foreign in every sense of the word. lookin around i could see so much grey. there weren't brightly pinted buildings. the playground equipment was rusty, over grown and long unused. graffiti tags adorned every wall and even doors and cars. the buildings were dilapidated. the air itself was even heavy with greay. as we walked i searched for hope. i prayed that god would show it to me somewhere. it began to sprinkle lightly, extinguishing my candle and at the same moment i heard a child cry from not far off.
"lord show me hope." i prayed
i searched the faces of passersby. but nothing. as the rain picked up and pooled into puddles at my feet i wondered to myself and to god. "what difference a can i make? here i am a foreigner walking thru a place i don't know, what good am i? what can i do?"
a lawn mower. i thought. i hadn't seen one since leaving ohio. if i had a lawn mower, i could tidy p things. an some paint. i could cover the graffiti and paint the playground.and then i realized that my american mindset was rising withiin me. the extreme home makeover thinking process, that comes in and does a complete exterior/interior over haul. fixing things. improving things. thing. but its often more than just things that need fixing. in actuality its more in need of a spiritual fixer up.
i continued walking as i processed. and stepped into a puddle, causing ripples to race and fan out from my toes. soon after i heard children laughing and playing. as the rain continued to gently fall, the sun shone from patchwork sky. the first time i'd clearly seen it my stay in narva up to that point. i felt like god literally said to me, "i'm here." that he was with me. that he was within me. and my bringin him into narva, much like my toes in the puddle, would make a difference.
we soon stopped of at a ramshackle building. appeared to be an almost ancient warehouse. a crowd of children were gathered outside watching, pointing and grinning. i'm not sure if they were happy to see us or if they were happy to have something to point and laugh at. we began our ascent up 5 flights of cracked cement floors. the air was stale and the walls were covered in graffiti. every inch had been signed or scratched over with sharpies, paint andoddly it was all in black. by the third flight, my legs and arms had become sore and my chest heavy. but not because the steps were steep or too much. my eyes were stinging but not from dust. i was becoming spiritually overcome. i didn't fel strong enough to go on. my pace slowed, but i pressed on. all around me were signs of oppression and hate. drawings of rage and hurt. bombs, guns, bodies, words, and the occult. i'd nvever seen such a thing. i willed for tunnel vision as if it were a black friday christmas gift.
finally reaching the top floor and stepping into the hallway, i was caced with a vey tunnel like passage. broken fllor boards poked thru thin and unglued fake linoleum. the walls were literally crumbling. one bulb less socket hung alone at the end of the hall. we stopped at a press board plywood door. i now understood wehere we were. the woman who'd accompanied us fumbled for the right key and after much struggle, revealed to us her two room apartment. hanging from the celing were ros of baby clothes. mattresses were on the floor as well as an infant bath tub filled with dirty rags. she told us how proud she was that she'd gotten an apartment. she'd gone all over looking and had been refused by so many landlords. she finally had somewhere to call home. mhairi asked if she could pray for her. as she prayed and captain translated. i soon found myself in tears. i couldn't nderstand. couldn't believe where i was really existed. it was beyond me. and here we stood as mhairi prayed in power. she told the woman not to ever just settle. that as a child of god she deserved the best and should keep on pressing on however difficult and thru itall to rely on god and serve him only. i cant possibly remember all that was said. but i do know that i was moved beyond words. god shoed me hope. it was in this woman's smile. and in the laugh of the infant in her arms.narva is not gray, because god showed me a rainbow to prove it.
lesson of the week - russian (spelled phenetically) SMO TREE CHAY NAH HEY SUE SAH = watch jesus
love & blessings!
~jenn
our boxy red ero van pulled into narva late evening. the clouds were un yeilding and over cast threatening to unleash a any moment. the eight of us along with capts henderson bustled into a typical russian restaurnt for food and fellowship. (which i must say, was quite good) i, at once, noticed what i perceived as a quiet spirit from the both of them. and slowly i saw their love, both for each other and others in general. we only spent a short time in narva itself, but even in such a blink of an eye, god spoke and worked.
we went on a prayer walk one night along the city streets. divided down into groups we each took candles and set out. americans in narva are one thing, but when they all match and are all holding candles, well thats a whole other scenario.quite interesting. the city itself is much different than any i've ever been to. it was foreign in every sense of the word. lookin around i could see so much grey. there weren't brightly pinted buildings. the playground equipment was rusty, over grown and long unused. graffiti tags adorned every wall and even doors and cars. the buildings were dilapidated. the air itself was even heavy with greay. as we walked i searched for hope. i prayed that god would show it to me somewhere. it began to sprinkle lightly, extinguishing my candle and at the same moment i heard a child cry from not far off.
"lord show me hope." i prayed
i searched the faces of passersby. but nothing. as the rain picked up and pooled into puddles at my feet i wondered to myself and to god. "what difference a can i make? here i am a foreigner walking thru a place i don't know, what good am i? what can i do?"
a lawn mower. i thought. i hadn't seen one since leaving ohio. if i had a lawn mower, i could tidy p things. an some paint. i could cover the graffiti and paint the playground.and then i realized that my american mindset was rising withiin me. the extreme home makeover thinking process, that comes in and does a complete exterior/interior over haul. fixing things. improving things. thing. but its often more than just things that need fixing. in actuality its more in need of a spiritual fixer up.
i continued walking as i processed. and stepped into a puddle, causing ripples to race and fan out from my toes. soon after i heard children laughing and playing. as the rain continued to gently fall, the sun shone from patchwork sky. the first time i'd clearly seen it my stay in narva up to that point. i felt like god literally said to me, "i'm here." that he was with me. that he was within me. and my bringin him into narva, much like my toes in the puddle, would make a difference.
we soon stopped of at a ramshackle building. appeared to be an almost ancient warehouse. a crowd of children were gathered outside watching, pointing and grinning. i'm not sure if they were happy to see us or if they were happy to have something to point and laugh at. we began our ascent up 5 flights of cracked cement floors. the air was stale and the walls were covered in graffiti. every inch had been signed or scratched over with sharpies, paint andoddly it was all in black. by the third flight, my legs and arms had become sore and my chest heavy. but not because the steps were steep or too much. my eyes were stinging but not from dust. i was becoming spiritually overcome. i didn't fel strong enough to go on. my pace slowed, but i pressed on. all around me were signs of oppression and hate. drawings of rage and hurt. bombs, guns, bodies, words, and the occult. i'd nvever seen such a thing. i willed for tunnel vision as if it were a black friday christmas gift.
finally reaching the top floor and stepping into the hallway, i was caced with a vey tunnel like passage. broken fllor boards poked thru thin and unglued fake linoleum. the walls were literally crumbling. one bulb less socket hung alone at the end of the hall. we stopped at a press board plywood door. i now understood wehere we were. the woman who'd accompanied us fumbled for the right key and after much struggle, revealed to us her two room apartment. hanging from the celing were ros of baby clothes. mattresses were on the floor as well as an infant bath tub filled with dirty rags. she told us how proud she was that she'd gotten an apartment. she'd gone all over looking and had been refused by so many landlords. she finally had somewhere to call home. mhairi asked if she could pray for her. as she prayed and captain translated. i soon found myself in tears. i couldn't nderstand. couldn't believe where i was really existed. it was beyond me. and here we stood as mhairi prayed in power. she told the woman not to ever just settle. that as a child of god she deserved the best and should keep on pressing on however difficult and thru itall to rely on god and serve him only. i cant possibly remember all that was said. but i do know that i was moved beyond words. god shoed me hope. it was in this woman's smile. and in the laugh of the infant in her arms.narva is not gray, because god showed me a rainbow to prove it.
lesson of the week - russian (spelled phenetically) SMO TREE CHAY NAH HEY SUE SAH = watch jesus
love & blessings!
~jenn
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