Separation Anxiety

One week since we left Estonia. Wow. Ever feel like time takes so long but in the same instant stands still? Some mornings I wake up expecting to hear the birds outside the window of the 5th floor on Kopli in Tallinn. Or at night when I actually HAVE to turn on the light to see. There is so much that I miss in Estonia. But God is teaching me not to mourn or be sullen but instead to remember Estonia joyfully. To recongnize the work that He did this summer and will continue to do there. As we continue to debrief and relive the past 2 months, I am realizing just how much God used us this summer. I know that we have all grown and have become closer to who it is that God wants us to be...who it is that He MADE us to be. We are finding His will, His purpose for our lives. We are learning about total submission and becoming holy. We want more than anything to be like Christ. This is the end of this adventure...but God is not done with us! He has so much more planned for our lives in the states (and Canada!). I think I can speak for everyone when I say...we can't wait to see what is next!
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. We appreciated and looked forward to them more than you will ever know! =)
Blessings!

why do all good things come to an end?

well, its my last blog here, the summer is winding down and we're all gathered together again as we were just 6 weeks ago. seems things have gone so fast, but somehow so slow. i just cant wrap my mind around it all, at times.
i've been in and out of shock. there are just moments when i feel like i never left. so i whip out the digital camera and flip thru some pics to remind myself of where i went and what i did. all it seems i have, are some memories and random souvenirs. and i wonder if thats enough...
this summer has been a growth experience for me (and those around me) in so many ways. and this week being together again has been soothing to my spirit. it feels like family. like home. its indescribable how much i feel like a part of this group. we are sisters. (and one brother, and one uncle, lol). and its good. there is so much to say about that..
but anyways, it makes me think of a song. although secular, i think it somehow expresses what i'm feeling right now. its called "all good things" by nelly furtado. here's the lyrics:

Honestly what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
[ All Good Things lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die

so while i do admit that this week i am in a bit of a daze, i recognize that i need to embrace the moments that i have. God is good. He worked this summer. in estonia, in my teammates, and in me. time is irrelevant and relative in this case. well in reality any case in which God is involved. lol. i cant allow myself to daydream and let things pass by. i need to do more than carpe diem and embrace the moment. i need to surrender and allow God to work.

pray for both teams this week as we chew over and process our experiences. Pray for continued growth, guidance, and grace/mercy. etc.

jumal onistagu teid

More and More

Well six weeks has all but come and gone. Tomorrow morning we head to the airport to start our treck back to the USA. I dont know whether its because I am getting older or if the earth has picked up speed and time is literatly going by faster, but this summer flew by. During orientation when we were learning fun facts and some history about Estonia it just seemed all surreal. I was going to another country with seven other people and we are gonna tell some people about God. Noone had a face or a name, the country was just a name. I wanted so badly to be used by God but I had no idea what that meant at the time. As excited as I was I think more than anything I was in shock. Not knowing what to expect or what would be expected of me. Now after what seems like a blink of an eye, I feel privledged and honored to have been able to come to Estonia. Names like Evelin, Anneli, Kirill, Eero, Vesse, Micheal, Kristi, Keit, Erika, Priit, Natasha, Sonya, Chris, Kristel and so, so many more are etched on my heart forever. Places like Narva, Tartu, Voru, Tallinn, Rakvere, Loksa are in my memory for a lifetime. Yesterday we watched The Singing Revolution which is all about the history of Estonia and how music is such a big part of their culture and their freedom from the Soviet. So today we went to the concert type grounds where they have this song festival every 5 years I think. I may be wrong about that fact and for some reason I cant think of what the name of the place is called! Anyways, as I stood there looking at this place that means so much to so many of the people in this country, all I could think of was, More and More. The More I see of this country the More I fall in love with it. The More people I meet in this country the More difficult it gets to leave it. And most importantly, I want More and More for this country. More Jesus, More peace, More love and acceptance. Just More and More. When you are following Gods will for your life and doing what He tells you to do, you dont always understand it. You cant see the end or the result of the work you have done. So I may not be able to tell you how many peoples lives I have touched or what the result of my teams work is. But I do know that God who has started a good work in me is not finished yet! He will continue to grow me and teach me, to put people in my life that will lift me up and others that will test my faith in Him. However, if I have learned anything in Estonia its this...Trust in God because with Him all things are possible!

Sometime I can´t sleep

That was last night, I did write a blog in my non-sleeping state last night in my head. LOL so I guess I should make a debut on this blog!

You all have a pretty accurate update on this week. so not a ton to say persay. So i will try not to ramble too much! Today was another cleaning day/prep day.

I was in between projects, though I decided I don´t mind cleaning for others, especially bathrooms, becuase then you get to see it finished, and smelling like fiesta floral! If the floors don't look brand new, at least you smell the party scent of the cleaning solution! while i was cleaning i was thinking all deeply and such, but i forget now, but i remeber resolving, i would rather clean for others then myself! (i say not for myself, becuase its not what i dream about when i go to sleep!)

Everyone i would like to let you know that the weather is pretty bipolar! like it poured and stoped and got sunny so many times today! Now that it is 9 pm it is sunny and blue skied as if it had never rained. The people seem to blame us for the not so great summer weather! other people might blame global warming, but how can I attribute the reasoning for weird summer weather in estonia when the weather is fine in Maine apparently! craziness i tell you it all is crazy!

So i must say God is good, like seriously ALL THE TIME!! He really has spoken a lot to me this summer, and in ways I am not aware of yet. HE has used my ability to make people chuckle to minister to people and show them love.

But you guys my best number is my penguin walk/dance/waddle! i can do normal penguin and sassy penguin! It is a lot of fun to teach lil kids to be penguins, I have had a bunch of opportunities to play with kids here. They teach me cool russian or estonian words!

MY sleep blog was all about joy, so I guess before I went to sleep I wanted to let you all know about how God gives me joy while i have been in Estonia. He has been useing this joy to overflow to my teammates and all the estonian peeps here. Its so great that it comes form God because he does it all through me.

this is a good time to be in, we all know our translators well, and they are comfortable with us and we are with them. I know i will be sad to say by to them, but they will remember how to walk like a penguin!!! haha!

oh yes and heres some blatent random things but very important to the world of alberta! my fav estonian food is šašolöök! is marinated kaboob meat on a grill! sooo good! my non-fav is dill! its there fav condiment!! lol The baltic sea is colder then the atlantic ocean! mmm thats all for now!

so i love you all, and thanks for praying and being interested in our life here! keep praying for our last little bit!

:-)
~the rockstar~

having a purpose!

As I sit here at the train station working on my sermon that I will preach this Sunday my mind got a bit side tracked and I took a second to read the blog. Of course then I HAD to write something! I want to share with you all what I have come to realize....what GOD has come to show me. It is okay to be me. Simple I know but powerful nonetheless. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me or has ever met me for that matter knows that I am talkative. Actually I kinda think that is an understatement..I LOVE to talk. Somewhere along the way here I started to hate that about me. I felt like my constant chatter was doing no good for the Kingdom of God and certainly no good for the people of Estonia. I couldnt understand why God had made me this way...why I really COULDNT be a quiet person. Then something great happened...God showed me why He made me that way. Yes guys...showed me...just like that. I prayed...He answered! I know you want me to tell you how....okay I will...haha. He put people in my path that I have been able to not only talk to them about God but really get to know...really invest in and build a relationship with. He has allowed me to teach about His love and His greatness. All the while teaching me as well. So now I know why I am talkative...now I know why God made me this way...now I KNOW that it is for a purpose. Can I just take a moment and say..I love God. So that is where Im at guys. In less than 2 weeks we leave Estonia and I can already tell you that not only am I gonna cry...yes I am a crier...but this place, these people, this country will forever be a part of me. Hope that all is great back home and that you are recieveing the blessings that God has for you.

Let me catch you all up!

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.”- Romans 1:16

Today we have 12 more days until we board our plane for Portland; how quickly time flies. I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone, I feel like I just said goodbye to Becki and Major at Newark Airport.

Last week we had Tallinn Kopli Corps Camp at Loksa. Once again, our precious cooks, Olga, Kersti, Tiiu and Sirie took very good care of us. Please never underestimate the power of a smile or willing hands, I believe that is how we have built our relationship with these women, as none of them speak English. The food they make is different to what our american palates are used to, but it is very delicious. Whoever would have known that rice for breakfast was appertising?

Saturday we had off, and so went took a walk into the beautiful city of Tallinn where there was a Medievil Market, very fun, some of our loved ones may even receive sovenirs from this market.

Sunday we had church at the Corps where the Word was brought to us by Jenn; my girls amaze me, they are beautiful, even more so when they share their heart for Jesus.

Monday we had some of our first sicknesses, to date we had only had minor illnesses, but Monday we had some of the girls need to take a moment to themselves. We praise God that they are all better, Hallelujah!

While some of the girls stayed home to recuperrate, the rest of us headed to Mother Theresa's house, a house belonging to the Sisters of Charity. They focus their work on homeless men, most of them homeless as a result from addictions. Four wee women run the work there, but you would struggle to find stronger women. Small in stature, but mighty in spirit!

In the afternoon we attended to some projects in the Kopli Corp; uniform sorting, donation sorting, cleaning, etc. You should have seen the girls as they tried on uniforms from days of old or the surprise on their faces as they found unusual items that had been donated.

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday minus the illnesses, YIPPEE! Wednesday took us to Loksa once more; I tell you, I think I could drive to Loksa with my eyes closed! LOL. This week is Junior Soldiers camp and so the girls and I spent the day with 11 young people who have either become or are on the way to becoming Junior Soldiers; whether playing games or lounging on the beach at Loksa, the day was a joy.

Keep the words coming, we enjoy them; we are also looking forward to seeing you all again, in 12 days time.

tartu

caravaning in estonia is not altogether that difficult. most places we've visitied are about 3 hours max driving distance. but somehow the ohio like terrain is relazing to us all. there's something about the flatness, the nearly naked pines and subtle two lane road we call a highway. it just casts quietness over the vans and soon we find ourselves drooling with mouths agape. i've mastered the art of dozing thru bumps, foreign radio shows and the shifting of gears... among other things.
needless to say, we arrrived in tartu bright and chipper, tho a bit stiff.
after settling in at the dorms, we were off to the corps. the 14 or us in addition to the corps people, filled the room. major was glowing about each filled seat. it was an odd sight and sound as major pirijo spoke in finnish to virginia, who spoke to evelin in estonian who spoke to us in english. confused yet? you should have seen our head bob in unison as we listened and watched each language spoken from different corners of the small room.
at the end of our welcoming, we were to mingle and fellowship. i've been practicing my estonian, well phrases that is, and i've found the people to be so sweet and willing to allow me to practice. so i had a bit of holy boldness or maybe pride *tinge of guilt* as i approached two elderly women at the back.
i'd noticed they sat separate so i took some initiative and started the chit chat. evidently i did somewhat well enough because one of them begain rattling off to me. i grabbed my cheat sheet to read how to say 'i don't understand' or 'i only speak a little,' which didnt work. so i opted for a translator.
i sat and talked with her all evening. even tho we rotated thru 3 different translators. she revealed to me a bit of her heart, in relation to her family and to the soviet oppression. all the while i praed for understanding. for the holy spirit to mediate the conversation. at some points i knew what she was saying before her words were translated. i loved her honesty, her sincere interest, and her heart.
when it was time to leave, she held my hand saying in english 'see you saturday, god bless.' so sometime when i was out of the room, she'd gottn it translated so she could say it to me herself.
after a few drives, visits and open airs, it was saturday night. i was greeted with a warm hello as i entered. gave my testimony that night (a preamble to my sermon which you will see soon), short and sweet. about the importance of using names. how difficult some are and yet how simple and altogether beautiful...
her name is silvi, pronounced like sil vee.
after the service on sunday, she came to me saying 'small gift, god bless.' as she placed a bar of chocolate, map of tartu, and self addressed post card in my hands. i was so surprised. i hugged her and said thank you (äitah) and god bless (jumal onistagu teid) back.
i didnt expect anything more than a kind word. actually im a bit of pessimist slash realist and wasnt even expecting that. the card reads in estonian, 'be happy my very good friend.' awwww...
its so odd to me how the littlest things can make an impact. i didnt realize that by my lending and ear and maybe goofing off a bit, that i would make a friend. and now i can continue to speak the love of christ into her life for an even longer period of time. i didnt expect that at all!
tartu was sweet in so many ways! both figuratively and literally!

*please pray for silvi and her family*

blessings!
~jenn